Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize