We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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