Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
