Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
