I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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