She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ttyl tear gas
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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