Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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