so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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