i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
