I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
