When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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