His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
