Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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