I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
