im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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