I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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