Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
