why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize