hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Did I show you my penis last night?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Boobs speak an international language.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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