I'm going to jail i love you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize