Me too!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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