I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
only if we run a train.
done.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
