Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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