I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
