Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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