i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
