I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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