Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
