i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
