I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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