I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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