I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
