dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
