so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
