so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
