he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
