Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
