But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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