is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
