Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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