I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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