so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
