big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
