Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
