Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
4 words: hood of his car
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
