Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
