One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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