I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
