Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
