Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
