:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize