could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
