I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
only you would photoshop your dick
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
