What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize