get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
