just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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