Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
