awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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