I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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