no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
