When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
