I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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