saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
