Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
