it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
