Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She bit a glass in half.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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