i just sent this text using only my big toe
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
