i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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