he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize