these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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