I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
of course. lets lasso hookers.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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