Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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