This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
