I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
