I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
should my penis look like a turkey
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
